Are You Giving Lazy Praise?

I bet you know someone who recently gave enthusiastic praise for the following actions:

Eating dinner. Sitting down. Lying down. High-fiving. Pretending to be dead. Chasing a squirrel.

Dogs the world over (and perhaps small children, depending on the child’s affinity for squirrels) get the “wow you ate ALL your dinner, good job” treatment — even when it’s a job half-done.

Radical Candor author Kim Scott refers to these phrases as “pat phrases” — we use them to reinforce good behaviour instead of a physical pat on the head because we’re vocal beings.

Over time, these pat phrases become hard-wired and accidentally slip out in the workplace as a lazy alternative to sincere, active praise. A “good job, team” is much easier said than “thank you Rex, Rover and Fido for working late last night so we could hit the deadline. It meant our work was submitted to the client on-time.” Yet which feels more meaningful to the recipient?

In addition to pat phrases, we’ve hit peak “pat actions” in the workplace. Rolling out the beer trolley after a hard week or bringing in Duty Free snacks for the team after they’ve worked late while you were on leave just doesn’t cut it anymore.

The flexible work revolution is the start of employees seeking more meaningful rewards. TOIL over Toblerones.

Why is active praise important?

A study recently found that 78% of employees would be more productive if they received recognition more frequently. And that’s the key — when praise does not show up as true recognition of someone’s efforts, it doesn’t register with them and it therefore doesn’t count.

Pat phrases are not active praise, they’re passive acknowledgement and often the individual has little idea why they’re being recognised.

Without adequate recognition, morale, motivation and productivity all fall off a cliff. If the individual doesn’t have a clear sense of what they’ve done well, they don’t strive to do the same or better next time around.

Most of us focus disproportionately on developmental feedback, forgetting the power of acknowledging what went well.

What does lazy praise look like?

We often think offering constructive feedback is the challenging part and praise is a walk in the park: “well done for chasing that squirrel”. As a result, must of us are lazy praisers.

Here are some ways lazy praise shows up — there are two categories: forgettable and unforgettable.

In the forgettable category, the impact of the praise is diluted. The individual doesn’t get much satisfaction because the praise is generalised, non-specific and insincere.

The unforgettable, however, has more harmful effects. These are instances where praise is inaccurately distributed and it ends up causing just as much damage as falsely accusing someone of a negative action they did not commit.

Instead of feeling warm and fuzzy inside, the individual feels a sting.

The antidote to lazy praise? Active praise. For each form of lazy praise, there’s a more satisfying alternative involving active engagement and proactive preparation.

Forgettable Praise — too generic to be memorable

The Skim

Too embarrassed to give a compliment in earnest, we skim over it with a hurried pat phrase and little eye-contact: “good job there by the way.”

The most likely scenario: the individual hears a compliment, but also a reluctance to engage and accepts both. “Thanks”.

Questions around what exactly they did well are left unanswered and the individual is left wondering what part of the “good job” they should repeat next time.

What would active praise look like? Specific, sincere. Explain what went well and why, make eye contact and spend the moment exclusively with the individual you’re speaking to, avoiding temptation to glance at your phone or walk away.

And yes, this will feel uncomfortable for both the giver and the receiver.

The Easy Life

These are the moments of praise we give when it’s easier to say something positive than to say nothing at all. Perhaps the individual is searching for praise, so we give them a quick pat phrase “yeah, that was great!” even when we don’t believe it. Surprise surprise, it comes off as insincere.

What would active praise look like? Stop praising squirrel chasers.

Active praise is about offering words of encouragement where you truly believe in the impact the person has made. Where there is no impact, or their efforts have not landed well, offering constructive feedback or even staying silent is better than false praise.

Otherwise, you risk encouraging the wrong behaviours and the next time you truly praise the individual, it will fall flat: “do they really mean what they say?”

The General

Often our praise is founded on generalisations because we haven’t taken the time to learn the facts. This can be especially hard for senior leaders who are less close to a project’s day-to-day.

Speaking to someone who knows the situation first-hand and getting a download of the details is crucial and makes the praise more memorable.

What would active praise look like? Do as much preparation for delivering praise as you would for delivering criticism.

Get the facts right and dig into the details — how exactly did the individual raise the bar? Often we’re not praising people for delivering the project successfully — after all, that’s an expectation. We’re praising them for the specific ways in which they delivered it.

Like what you’re reading?

Unforgettable Praise — memorable for the wrong reasons

The Falsely Accused

Specific is better than general, but get the facts wrong about who did what, and what happened, and you have a hot potato on your hands.

Kim Scott shares a situation where a senior leader asked an individual he passed in the office for a project update. The person was not on the project but did his best to give an update. A week later, he was praised at a company meeting for having worked on the project. He felt so bad for receiving praise he had not earned that he sent a company-wide email after the event to set the record straight.

What would active praise look like? Clear up confusion.

A quick “who is the best person for me to speak to about this project?” is worth the effort. Challenge the individual who shares the information with you — “Ok, I’m hearing these things — what have I missed?”

The +1

So often we seek to thank everyone but miss someone off the list. Despite the good intentions, it’s hard to repair the damage. How to recover from this one? Acknowledge your error as quickly as possible and if it’s a large event, speak to the individual 1–1 afterwards.

What would active praise look like? Calling out individuals specifically is powerful but as with the Falsely Accused, it’s time to check the facts. “Who have I missed?” “Is this list up-to-date?” Crowdsource information from reliable sources. If you’ve got the facts but are speaking in a public forum, read from a list to avoid your mind going blank.

The Catch-All

In many teams, the load is not shared equally, often to the detriment of team dynamics. Yet when the project draws to a close and some individuals slaved away whilst others slacked off, all are praised equally.

This is a fact of life and the person giving praise will not always be able to tell the slackers from the slavers. But if they can, praise should be proportionately distributed and the temptation to fire off a company-wide message praising slackers and slavers in the same breath should be avoided.

What would active praise look like? In this instance, celebrate the outcomes in public but praise in private. That way, the slackers don’t get the mixed message of being praised in public and receiving critical feedback in private and the slavers don’t feel undervalued. Acknowledging the project went well can be distinct from praising those who worked on it.

Which of the forgettable and unforgettable praise traps do you fall into most? This year, I’ve worked on The Easy Life, giving praise only where praise is due. Next, it’s time to tackle the General — making sure the praise I offer is on-point.

On Overpraising

My friends’ dogs have the best lives. Imagine being praised for sitting down or for eating all your breakfast. The reality of overpraising is that for humans and dogs alike, it becomes meaningless white noise.

Too many “Good job!” moments become “the boy who cried wolf”. “They always say that. Did I really do a good job?”

One of the best leaders I’ve worked with never praises people for work that is part of their day-to-day role, only when they’ve gone above and beyond. When you get a “you handled those questions really well” at the end of a difficult meeting, it means so much more.

Emojis are not our friends when it comes to overpraise. When someone sends you a completed task, what’s your go-to reaction? Slack encourages a 🙌 reaction. I soon realised this emoji sends completely the wrong message. It’s a pat phrase in disguise: “well done!!”. And it’s completely the wrong fit for acknowledging receipt of a routine task. Switching to 👌 or 👍 leaves space to praise a great performance.

In a world where emoji reactions conflate acknowledgement “I have seen your message” with praise, it’s even harder to keep praise meaningful. In reality, there are no shortcuts.

We need to avoid pat phrases / actions / emojis and stick to active praise that’s specific, sincere and fact-driven. Yes, it’s a lot more effort, but that effort acts as a filter — it’s too much like hard work to overpraise if we’re praising people meaningfully.

Master active praise by training your CORE

What does it look like to praise in a way that’s specific, sincere and fact-driven? Use Kim Scott’s feedback framework to help you ditch the pat phrases and praise less often, but more meaningfully:

Context-Observation-Result-nExt StEps*. CORE. (I am not responsible for the framework’s dubious “E” — if you prefer CORN-y praise, go for it.)

Context: Cite the specific situation

The board asked some tough questions

Observation: Describe what was said or done

You handled the questions confidently and gave compelling answers

Result: Share the most meaningful consequence to you and to them

We have their approval to move forward

nExt stEps: Suggest a follow-on action

Do you want to share the good news with the team?

Why go to all this effort? Imagine a world where squirrel-chasers are consistently encouraged and you can only expect pat phrases at work. Terrifying for both humans and squirrels.

Yet if we land memorable praise, we reinforce the behaviours we value in our teams, improving our work life and helping others grow.

Love to live life on the edge? Take a chance on one of the buttons below.