How to Read the Room?

Experienced colleagues often advise new managers to “read the room”. But what does it actually mean? Whilst it can be clearly defined as the ability to understand the mood and atmosphere of a social situation, for many of us, it remains a closed box. How do we ‘get a read’ on the mood and atmosphere? How will it help us both professionally and personally? It all starts with a few simple truths…

What people say doesn’t always match how they feel.

How do we work this one out? The clues lie in body language: look for a slumped posture, folded arms or closed gestures and avoidance of eye-contact. All these signs can negate a positive verbal response and reveal negative feelings underneath. Tone of voice can also be a giveaway: whilst the words are positive, the tone may be more “downbeat” than you’re used to.

If you’re working remotely, try looking for clues in the way they type — are they using shorter sentences or fewer emojis than usual? Can you hop on a call to get a greater sense of their body language and tone of voice?

“You have 2 ears and 1 mouth, use them in direct proportion.”

There’s listening, and there’s active listening. So often we only lend one ear to a situation, whilst our mind is occupied formulating our response or distractedly flitting through a mental to-do list.

To listen actively, we need to be fully present, reflect on the individual’s verbal and non-verbal cues and ask questions to help us understand the root cause of the issue. Read more about how to hone your active listening skills here.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Reading the room gives us clues, not answers. People are unpredictable and we should avoid jumping to conclusions based on the little evidence we gather by carefully observing and actively listening. Whilst we will never get the whole picture without asking follow-up questions, reading the room provides a starting point, showing us the right questions to ask.

If you expected an enthusiastic response to a resolved problem, but hear a downbeat tone of voice, that’s a signal to meet the individual where they’re at and be respectful of their feelings. That said, the reason for their lack of enthusiasm may be different to your first assumption. Be open to re-evaluating your perceptions as you gather more information. Yes, the individual’s mood is low today, but if this wasn’t the solution, their mood may be triggered by another problem.

Sometimes you won’t find the answer in one meeting, but piecing together evidence from multiple encounters may provide a fuller picture.

Why is reading the room important professionally?

As we progress in our careers, our success depends less on the output we produce and more on the relationships we build. Reading the room is critical to building and maintaining strong relationships, from closing a deal because you’ve listened and clearly understood what the other party wants, to identifying the right time to ask for a raise because you’ve read the atmosphere amongst senior leadership.

If you seek to build relationships, negotiate effectively and manage conflict in your career, reading the room is always the starting point.

What about personally?

Have you ever arrived late to meet a group of friends and excitedly shared some good news only to find the reception a little flatter than you expected? Sensing that someone may have shared negative news just moments before by reading the room before you speak can help you maintain respect for others’ needs and reveal your own good news in a sensitive manner.

The old cliché “when someone says “I’m fine”, they’re not fine”, is another example of individuals struggling to read the room. If the words are positive but the tone and body language suggest otherwise, it’s time to ask questions.

How to practise reading the room?

Reading the room is just like crossing the road. In 1998, the UK ran a road safety campaign for kids with the tagline “stop, look, listen”. The same applies every time you enter a meeting (real or virtual professional or personal).

Stop: pause for a count of five when you enter a room, and/or during the meetingLook: engage your peripheral vision, consciously notice body languageListen: reflect on what’s being said, what’s being left unsaid and how it’s being said (tone of voice)

The difference is that most of us repeatedly practise how to cross the road as children, but we’re not taught how to practise reading the room. It’s time we started!