Speaking up earned you a seat at the table

You raised valid points in meetings, you stuck your head above the parapet and contributed to team culture. You spoke up on behalf of others and you got promoted.

Congratulations, you have a seat at the table. Suddenly, people listen to you in meetings, encourage you to speak more and wait for you to voice your thoughts before they voice theirs.

Great leadership is about recognising that “what got you here will not get you there.” And as a leader, you need to use your voice differently, more frequently handing the microphone to someone else.

Beware the HIPPO Effect

Jim, a junior colleague of mine, had been working for two weeks on a research project. He had all the data at his fingertips and he was itching to share the results. We got together to discuss the story in the data. The senior director entered the room, yet to view 90% of the data he’d collected. “Well”, she said. “I think the story we want to tell is pretty clear” and proceeded to write her points on the whiteboard. Jim was deflated. What was the point of sharing his data and the patterns he’d observed? He sat in silence for the entire meeting. That day, I learned a valuable lesson in how not to be a leader.

How could Jim disagree with the HIPPO? That’s the Highest Paid Person’s Opinion 🦛. These lumbering creatures shift the balance of power and crush every idea in their path. When you behave like a hippo, you surround yourself with nodding dogs: bred to follow but not to table ideas.

How to avoid the HIPPO effect:

• Speak last. Invite others to voice their ideas first.

• Embrace the silence. If others don’t speak up, give them time to form their own conclusions, don’t speak for them.

• Reformulate your question. Not getting an answer? Try again.

• Call timeout and reschedule the meeting. Give people time to reflect if they’re not ready to speak up.

Enough is enough

Strong leaders keep it short and simple.

I’ve interviewed a lot of corporate leaders. The worst are the self-absorbed wafflers. I once had a gentleman take the full allotted hour to answer my first question “tell me about yourself”. The most exhausting are the energy vampires, who appear disengaged and reply exclusively with short, empty answers. The strongest and most inspiring are the leaders who speak passionately but keep it short and simple. They give just enough insightful information whilst keeping their answer short and to-the-point. Most importantly, they embrace the silence that follows, never filling it with a “does that… just about… answer your question?” or “I’m not sure if that’s what you were looking for?”

Female readers, I hear you. We’re taught to seek this type of reassurance from a young age: “is that ok with you?”, and we’re also encouraged to soften the aggressive side of silence: “if you don’t mind?” This doesn’t serve you. Ditch it and embrace the silence.

Don’t Think and Talk

I’m working on this. When we think and talk at the same time, we believe our multitasking will slip past unnoticed — after all, we’re intelligent enough to get away with it. New leaders, this is a trap. You’ve gone from most experienced “doer” to least experienced “delegator”: whilst thinking and talking may have got you here, it will not get you there.

Remember the childhood game where you had to pat your head with one hand and rub your tummy with the other at the same time? Didn’t think so. Without a gameboy I had to be more creative with my time 🤷‍♀️ . If you try it, you’ll notice your brain struggles to focus on both movements simultaneously. That’s what happens when you think and talk at the same time. Your brain is focusing so hard on the thinking that utter drivel comes out of your mouth.

Instead, embrace the power of silence. Not only will it help you formulate your thoughts, it also demonstrates active listening to your team. The longer you pause, the stronger the signal that you are considering their comments carefully and weighing your words. When you finally speak up, your opinion packs more of a punch.

Don’t Rush to the Rescue

Suddenly, people are asking you for advice. “Wow! They want my advice?”. Your mind goes blank. “Quick, let’s think of something or they’ll never ask again!” You rummage around in your mental pockets and give them whatever you get your hands on: a bit of fluff, some loose change and a spare button. They seem grateful, and you walk away satisfied. And yet… did your unprocessed thoughts really have the desired impact? Could you have done better with more time to think?

The best leaders are like filter coffee, not instant. They filter information and wait for the answer to drip through slowly, rather than hastily pouring you a steaming hot cup of Nescafé. Which would you rather serve your team? There’s no need to rush off and grab an instant answer. Embrace the silence and take time to think things through.

Failing that, use the 5 magic words: “I’ll get back to you.”

Information is Power, Negotiation is silence

Negotiation is a special case worth highlighting. The more we progress in our careers, the more we have to negotiate: with clients, with partners and suppliers, with our teams and with more senior leaders. Day-to-day, too much talking is ill-advised. In negotiation, too much talking is dangerous.

Information is power. The more your opponent knows about you, the more they can use against you. Beware talking so much that you overshare and find the information you’ve revealed used to their advantage.

Your secret weapon in any negotiation is silence. People fear silence and will speak up to fill it. The less you speak, the more your opponent will “buy back comfort”, making concessions that leave money on the table in an attempt to break the agonising silence.

Save your voice for ‘mic drop’ 🎤 moments

Ok, I get it. Speak less, embrace silence. But when do I speak up? Raise your voice where it matters. A Wharton study found employees who use “strategic silence” most effectively consider 3 factors when deciding how to speak up: Relevance, Readiness and Responsiveness.

RelevanceDoes my contribution support the listener’s goals? Be honest: when you speak up, what percentage of your brain is focused on why you think your contribution is important and how it can serve you, vs. how it can serve your listener and why it is important to them? Impossible to measure, but it’s likely not far off the pareto principle: 80% me, 20% listener.

Think back to your last meeting: what would happen if you reversed that 80:20? Would you have spoken less? With greater concision? Framed your point differently? So many of us let our ego get in the way of a helpful conversation. Put your opinions to work in service of others and see where it takes you.

ReadinessDo I have the data, knowledge and clarity I need to make this contribution? “Think before you speak” is easier said than done. This thought pattern trains that muscle. How often do we open our mouths only to realise we don’t have the full picture or we can’t verbally formulate the thought as it was in our brain? Perhaps we need more time. Time to gather stronger evidence for the listener. Time to get clear on our thoughts.

Preparation is key: how many times have you gone into a meeting aware of the points you expect to make, but without having spent any time researching them? Preparing beforehand empowers you to bring stronger insights to the table.

ResponsivenessIs my listener in the right frame of mind to hear this message? We all remember a time when our words “fell on deaf ears”. And we’ve all ignored someone’s contribution because we were concerned about things we believed to be more important (there’s that ego again!).

It’s up to us to read the room — what tells us this is the right point to make and the right time to make it? The meeting agenda and the atmosphere in the room will tell you. If it’s not the right time, set up a better one, such as a coffee chat.

Silence is your secret weapon

Great leaders know when to speak up and when to shut up. Especially if you have a tendency to talk a lot (Hi! 👋), knowing when to simmer down and embrace silence can be the superpower that sets you apart.

To practise this skill, weigh your words wisely — don’t waste them.

Instead, remember the following:

• Beware the HIPPO effect — speak last

• Enough is enough — be concise

• Don’t think and talk — be considered

• Don’t rush to the rescue — reflect on it

• Information is power, negotiation is silence — embrace it

• Save your voice for mic drop moments — use Relevance, Readiness, Responsiveness

“You have two ears and one mouth. Use them in direct proportion.”

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