What is Active Listening?

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.”

— Larry King, CNN

There’s a lot of data flying around about human attention spans — some saying that in the last decade it’s decreased by 25% to less than that of a goldfish. Do you believe these statistics, or do they sound ‘fishy’ to you?! Either way, it would be fair to say that keeping our full attention on a task in a world with so many distractions is increasingly difficult for many of us. And this attention deficit is surely but silently eroding our capacity to listen. About 96% of us think we’re good listeners. But studies show we’re actually retaining only half of what others have to say.

Reflect on the last in-depth one-to-one conversation you had with someone professionally (either virtually, or in person). How much of the conversation did you spend thinking about what they were saying, versus what you were going to say next, where you needed to go for your next meeting or… let’s face it… what you’re having for lunch.

Whilst you may be listening and engaging in conversation with the individual, this is not active listening.

So What is Active Listening?

Active listening involves giving full attention to the speaker, understanding the speaker’s point of view, and responding in a way that shows you have been listening. It is a powerful tool that can help you build stronger relationships, resolve conflict, and improve your communication skills.

Active listening serves two functions:

1. Helps you understand the speaker’s perspective more deeply and achieve a stronger outcome, whether conflict resolution or relationship building.

2. Helps you show the speaker you are fully engaged and care about what they have to say.

To learn more about why it’s important that people see you care personally about them and their situation, see this summary of Kim Scott’s Radical Candor.

How to Practice Active Listening?

The following tips will accomplish both 1 and 2, showing the listener you’re engaged whilst helping you to pay fuller attention to what they say.

L-I-S-T-E-N

Lean forwardsInclining your body towards the speaker and using open hand gestures helps you naturally feel and demonstrate a higher level of engagement.

InquireIf you’re not sure of a point that’s been made, investigate further by asking more questions.

SummariseParaphrasing the speaker’s key points and repeating them during the conversation shows empathy and helps you deepen your level of understanding

Take TimeDedicating time and patience to fully understanding, rather than rushing or being distracted is key to active listening.

Eye ContactSimply looking the speaker in the eye and not at your phone or notepad can make all the difference to focus your mind and show you’re engaged in what they have to say.

NodShowing agreement can be a clear signal to others that you’re in agreement or that you understand, but science shows that nodding can also encourage positive thoughts.

Are there benefits for my personal life too?

The benefits of active listening range from improving communication skills and solving conflicts to building stronger relationships — all key ingredients to a happy life outside of work. If we actively listen to and more deeply understand family and friends, the impact we can make on their happiness and our own becomes immeasurably higher.

Why Active Listening Isn’t Easy

First off, our personal bias often gets in the way, stopping us from hearing the real version of events, especially in emotionally tense situations. This might be because we believe something another topic we’re thinking about is more important than the conversation we’re having, or it might be because we disagree with the speaker. This leads us to spend more time focusing on how we will respond, and preparing our words, rather than what the speaker is saying. We may also jump in too eagerly to make our own points, interrupting rather than listening until the speaker has finished.

Before your next conversation, reflect on whether you and your conversation partner both have the personal bandwidth to actively listen. If not, why not? It could be time to postpone the chat until you can both make it a priority, or to replace the conversation with a written message.

In A Nutshell

Active listening is a powerful communication technique that can help you to build stronger relationships, resolve conflict, and improve your communication skills. It’s time we all learned to actively L-I-S-T-E-N (Lean in, Inquire, Summarise, Take Time, Eye Contact, Nod) in order to reap the benefits.