Flirting with Restriction

For a long time, scientists believed sugar causes hyperactivity. Yet recent studies show no such link. The only correlation researchers could find between sugar and hyperactivity was that the more sugar is restricted, the more excitement and hyperactivity ensues when sugar is freely available for a short while.

For years, sugar has been branded public enemy #1 and controversially labelled “more addictive than cocaine”.

Scientists now believe it’s not actually sugar’s addictive properties, but our own addictive behaviours that drive our sugar cravings: it’s in our primordial human nature to seek out scarce supplies of sweet foods as a source of energy.

Sugar or otherwise, restriction fuels our addiction and is currently slipping by unnoticed and unpunished. It’s time to unmask the true public enemy #1.

Why do we cosy up to restriction?

Restriction has seductive powers. TikTok’s latest trend “very demure, very mindful” has Gen Z poking fun at how we’re obsessed with restriction and control in every area of our lives.

The trend originated with TikToker Jools Lebron, @Joolieannie explaining how she takes a restrained approach to getting ready for work: “This is how I do my make up for work, very demure, very mindful […] a lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson, and go to the job looking like Patty and Selma, not demure!”

Since then, people have been riffing off her words with other “demure” activities. At the time of writing, #verydemure has 771,208,376 views and counting. “Very demure, very cutesy, very modest” explains another Tiktoker as she eats a croissant with a knife and fork.

Whether it’s what we eat, how we behave, what we wear, there’s a prevailing belief that restriction keeps everything in its place.

Even when we’re given absolute freedom, we impose our own restrictions. Employers offering unlimited leave is a strong case in point. HR firm Namely conducted a study back in 2017 when unlimited annual leave was on the rise and found that on average, employees took two days less leave than they had with the unlimited policy in place.

What would happen if we renounced that comforting feeling of control that restriction gives us? Chaos or freedom?

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Life is an all-you-can-eat buffet

From food to TV content to social media, life’s indulgences are increasingly available on-demand. Yet especially when we’re feeling tired or vulnerable, we’re still collectively struggling to find ways to deal with life’s all-you-can-eat buffet.

Our most popular coping mechanism is our old friend, restriction: how to reduce teen screen time? Ban screens at weekends. How to reduce junk food consumption? Remove it from your house and refuse to buy it.

We ditch our junk food and dust off our hands: problem solved… until we find ourselves in an environment where junk food is freely available. Finally! A loophole in the restriction policy. We pile up our plates and go all-in.

Restriction will only serve us until there’s a glitch in the system: then we’re left high-and-dry with a failed support mechanism.

Accept Abundance

The fact is, life’s buffet of indulgent pleasures (food, doomscrolling opportunities, gaming) is never going away and is only on the rise. Your future phone won’t be running out of battery to tell you it’s time for bed.

We need to get used to surrounding ourselves with temptation and bid farewell to the restriction narrative that helps only in… restricted circumstances.

There’s truth (and psychological grounding) in Carl Jung’s famous adage “what you resist, persists” and it follows that the only logical alternative is to give in. But how?

Option 1: Give in sooner than later.

If you want it, have it, because you sure as hell will want it more later. I’ve written before about the concept of random rewards. Dolphins who are fed treats at a set frequency get bored very quickly, whereas when you randomise the rewards they stick at the game for far longer.

Restriction randomises our rewards, making us wonder when the next TV session or chocolate bar is coming, and crave it more. Whatever the indulgence, once it’s readily available at a predictable cadence, its appeal returns to normal levels and slowly decreases over time for humans and dolphins alike.

Option 2: Trade up for better.

Find a better offer. What would be even more enjoyable than doomscrolling? Taking a proper break from your computer screen? Mindless doodling? Reading a few pages of a fiction book? Sometimes the most addictive activities are more readily available, not more enjoyable. It’s up to us to offer ourselves a better alternative.

A friend has recently tried “trade up for better” with her two-year-old. Once screen time ends, she presents a more exciting alternative: “wow! Look at that toy! Let’s go and play with it!” Our adult minds are not that different and can also be seduced by a more appealing alternative.

Restriction is like a reservoir. The moment we break the dam, the water rushes out, making us return to a state of restriction with a “well that didn’t work, I tried to allow myself unlimited screen time and I got no sleep!”, forgetting that after the rush, the water will return back to a normal flow state.

Removing restriction is a long game, but the more we’re surrounded by temptation, the more we must ditch restriction as a coping mechanism and find ourselves a better life raft.

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