Secrets of Unreasonable Hospitality

I recently took a kitchen counter seat for one at New Zealand’s rising star restaurant, Ahi.

As the chef served me my starter, I explained that the tomatoes were most exciting part of the dish for me, because where I live, they’re imported and they don’t always taste of much.

“Ah, you really like tomatoes then”, he exclaimed. A few minutes later he returned with a giant heirloom tomato, grown in the restaurant’s garden. “Take this with you for breakfast — slice it on bread and serve it with salt and a drizzle of oil, that’s all you need.”

I’d read Will Guidara’s best-selling book Unreasonable Hospitality a month before and could tell that this kind gesture was “unreasonable hospitality in action”. 

The tomato tasted twice as good the next day because of the thoughtfulness behind it.

What is unreasonable hospitality?

Will Guidara is most famous for taking New York’s Eleven Madison Park from a tired brasserie to the world’s number one restaurant in 2017. For anyone who wants to peek behind the curtain of a fine dining restaurant, the book is a fun read.

But Guidara’s core message is that all of us would do well to take a leaf out of fine dining’s manual on hospitality. He takes it to the next level (hence, unreasonable), defining unreasonable hospitality as going above and beyond in how you make people feel.

Why should we adopt it?

Guidara sees a “seismic shift” happening in other industries that adopt an ethos of unreasonable hospitality: “Whether a company has made the choice to put their team and their customers at the centre of every decision will be what separates the great ones from the pack.”

He has a point — relationships are at the centre of many more industries than hospitality and we would do well to go above and beyond to maintain them. The key is to be intentional about how we spend our time.

Guidara explains how he was influenced by his father’s intentional approach to time, ensuring he made every hour of his day count. 

For Guidara today, that means being mindful of “what you’re saying ‘yes’ to and what you’re saying ‘no’ to when you sit down at your computer” as well as being clear on where you most want to spend your time.

Like what you’re reading?

Where to start?

Here are the highlights that hit home as easy ways to bring more ‘unreasonable hospitality’ into our daily work.

Intentional pursuit of relationships

Just as Guidara embraces intentional use of time, he also encourages us to make an effort to form strong relationships with others. But how to do it?

Create Systems

One theme that runs through the book is the effort that goes into systematising each aspect of the restaurant’s operation to make it a more personal experience for the guest. Whether it’s greeting the guest at the door by name because you’ve done your homework and can recognise their face, asking and remembering their water preference or handing them the right coat when they leave, these small touches make the guest feel special.

In a corporate setting, it strikes me that we can make better use of calendar reminders and other tools to support our memories and help the people we deal with day-to-day feel just as special.

If someone tells you they’ve got a special occasion coming up, a simple “when is that?” and addition of a calendar reminder so you wish them well on the day goes a long way.

Be intentional about small talk

Small talk is often dismissed, but the stakes are high. Done wrong, it bores people and spams them with unnecessary weather updates.

Done right, it can lay the foundations for a strong relationship. Once you know what sports team they support, or how they like to spend their free time, or what projects they’ve got going on, you can ask the right questions to engage them as a person, not just as a coworker or client.

The key? Intentional questions that help you understand what matters to them and intentional listening that tells you where they “light up” so you know when you’ve hit on a topic they find fascinating.

Show Vulnerability

At one stage, Guidara and his team decided the key to great hospitality was to accommodate guest preferences, not just allergy requirements. They started asking guests when they placed their order “is there anything you don’t like?” No, replied the guests, evening after evening.

Guidara realised guests didn’t feel comfortable to state their preferences in a fine dining setting where “being cultured” is about putting your preferences aside and trying everything once.

For the next set of guests, he showed vulnerability and admitted his own preferences “let me tell you a secret: I hate sea urchin, and I don’t like oysters.” Instantly, the guests replied and admitted that they didn’t like celery or beets: “once I offered up a piece of myself, they were willing to offer up a piece of themselves as well”, Guidara explained.

At work, being vulnerable and showing you’re human by opening up before asking the same of others is a great way to build bridges fast.

Adopt the Rule of 95/5

Watch every dollar and cent 95% of the time. The other 5%, use it “foolishly”. Guidara reminds us to take the word “foolish” with a pinch of salt — whilst it might feel extravagant, your decision should be well considered.

He gives the example of a gelato cart he set up at the MOMA, where he fought for a good deal in every aspect and then splurged on some gorgeous spoons that elevated the whole experience and made it feel special. When executives tried the cart during its soft opening, they all ooh-ed and ah-ed at the spoons and pronounced the gelato cart concept a great success — the spoons were worth the splurge.

What might this look like in a corporate context?

Some companies are renowned for legendary end-of-year parties, but keep a close eye on the budget the rest of the year. Others might dine out at modest restaurants with clients some of the year, but splash out occasionally when the client has a particular success they’re celebrating, to make the moment more special.

On a project, you might do 95% of the design work internally, but splurge on professional design support for the last 5% to lift the final presentation and make it sing.

Where will your 5% splurge make disproportionate impact?

Permission to be creative

First, we need to address our own internal preconceptions of where boundaries and expectations lie when it comes to creative gestures.

A good example of this is corporate gifting. Over the years, corporate gifting has become standardised and frankly, dull. Standard gifts (a bottle of alcohol, a box of chocolates, tickets to a sports game, a restaurant meal) may not be to your recipient’s taste and even if they like a bottle of red wine, your gift is one of many and risks getting lost.

Be bold and break free of convention!

Use what you’ve learned about the person to get creative and buy a thoughtful gift.

When I was a student, my sister put me in touch with a colleague of hers who coached me through my first job interviews.

I was grateful, and wanted to thank him — but I had a student budget. I asked my sister “what should I buy him?” and she advised me to choose something small but thoughtful.

Getting someone who is constantly gifted standard corporate bottles of whisky a fridge magnet and a card that makes them smile goes down better than you might think.

Spread the creativity

It’s not just up to us to be creative — the key to a vibrant culture is spreading that creative energy across the organisation.

A former colleague kept a list of everyone’s favourite snacks — an excellent way to make them feel special when they’re having a dull day.

Guidara encouraged everyone on his team to come up with creative ideas to make guests feel special and rewarded them for their efforts in team meetings.

“It’s much more fulfilling when you actually get to bring some of your own intellect and creativity and your brain to the job.”

This creative outlet kept energy levels high — people could shape the impact they had on the guests and felt fulfilled as a result.

Go big or go small

It’s tempting to think the only way to go for unreasonable hospitality is big — big gestures, big budget. One of Eleven Madison Park’s most famous moments is when a couple missed their flight for their holiday and came to dine with Eleven Madison Park instead. The team filled the private dining area with sand to give them their beach vacation.

Stories like this can make us blind to smaller gestures that create outsized impact. We don’t need to radically change how we do things in order to embrace unreasonable hospitality. It might begin by bringing a round of coffees for everyone in the office on a Friday, but remembering people’s drink preferences and customising accordingly.

What would it look like for you and your team to embrace unreasonable hospitality? And what 1 thing might you change in your day-to-day to help people feel valued?

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