Take a Second Chance on a First Impression

I joined a new primary school aged 10 and distinctly remembered my new classmate, Josie, being cold and hard to win over. In my third term, she turned to me and said: “When you first joined our school, I didn’t like you. But actually, now I think you’re okay.”

Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but an improvement nonetheless! That story stayed with me because it taught me a powerful lesson: people can and do change their minds after a first impression. The question is how to help someone to reevaluate their first impression faster , giving yourself a second chance.

Repair the Root Cause

I’ll never know what it was that turned Josie off — 10-year-old girls are mysterious beings — but getting to the root cause of why the first impression didn’t go well, and proving that it’s not your usual style, is a no-regrets move.

Perhaps the first time you met for coffee, you were distracted and absent, because an emergency had cropped up. Not your fault, but not a great first start either. Columbia Business Professor Dorie Clark explains: 

The key to rewriting first impressions is to create a series of “pattern interrupts”, Clark explains, rewiring their associations. 

If it’s distractedness that undermined your first impression, a pattern interrupt might be a thoughtful gesture or reference to a topic that cropped up during the conversation, or even asking their drink order in advance next time you meet.

Next meeting, simply being present may not be bold or visible enough: better to demonstrate high levels of engagement: listen actively, lean forward, ask relevant questions. This little extra effort goes a long way to rewrite the first impression.

Acknowledge Early

As soon as you figure out the first impression has not gone well: draw a line under it and confront it head-on.

“I may seem distracted today as I’m dealing with a personal emergency.”

Sweeping it under the carpet risks leaving your new acquaintance searching for answers:

“Are they always this distracted or just having a bad day?”

Or worse still:

“They clearly aren’t engaged in what I have to say.”

Acknowledging the situation, even without apologising for it, is a great way to lay the groundwork for a second chance.

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Set Up a Second Chance Meeting

The tricky part about first impressions is getting the second chance. Yet Professor Clark explains this is the most crucial step of all.

If the person has openly expressed their frustration and is reluctant, showing vulnerability may be an effective way to open the door to a second meeting.

Be open and honest:

“I know last meeting I didn’t put my best foot forward — these were exceptional circumstances — rest assured the same won’t happen again this time.”

If the person hasn’t expressed any frustration, let your actions do the talking. Perhaps the person’s impression of you was one of disorganisation: Make sure your organised behaviour doesn’t go unnoticed:

• “Did you have anything you wanted to add to the agenda I sent through?”

• “Let’s start by going over the action items I sent last week.”

By drawing attention to the behaviours that run counter to the negative first impression, you more quickly flip the script.

Rewrite the Narrative

Here’s a practical way to apply all of this:

1. Put pen to paper and describe the first impression you believe your new acquaintance has of you.

2. Challenge yourself: How much of this is based on data, rather than your own stories?

• If it’s in your own head, the do-over might not need to be as dramatic as you think.

3. For each data-backed point, list actions that might have the opposite effect.

Example:

If someone has reason to believe you’re disorganised because you turned up late and unprepared to a meeting, a list of counter-actions might include:

• Proactively setting an agenda and asking for their inputs

• Sending a pre-read

• Following up after the meeting with key action items

You get the picture. Now you have your to-do list for your second chance meeting.

Flip It: Take a Second Chance on Someone Else

What goes around, comes around in one form or another. Who might you have recently misjudged? And what might it take for you to give them a second chance?

I hope you enjoyed this read! These articles are now monthly. If you’d like to hear from me weekly, I invite you to join readers who enjoy my 2-minute mid-week newsletter.