Transform the Way People Listen to You – Part I

After the global success of South Korean film Parasite, I was asked to write an article on the rise of South Korea’s cultural soft power.

I was a brand strategist at the time, and whilst the whole soft power thing was my wheelhouse, I had been to Seoul once, had never watched a K-Drama, had never actively chosen to listen to Black Pink and hadn’t watched Parasite.

I was not the ideal candidate.

This was a last minute request from the chief editor of one of Asia’s leading branding publications. I needed this relationship.

And he needed the article by tomorrow.

I thought of my managing director, who had watched K-dramas way before they were cool, listened to K-Pop artists who weren’t Black Pink and had even been to Jeju film festival, which she dubbed “the Cannes of Asia”.

“Tomorrow?! Ha!” was her response.

Determined, I pushed for her perspectives on the topic. As she spoke, I scribbled notes.

When she finished, I looked up from my paper. “Ok, so there are three key themes here, firstly…”

Eyebrows raised, she heard the structured summary and agreed to my submitting a fleshed out version to the editor.

Such is the power of the structured summary.

Make Sense of the Topic

In this scenario, the structured summary helped both me and the expert make sense of the topic.

I had no knowledge, and needed the information before I could organise it.

My managing director had so much knowledge, she couldn’t organise it. The clear summary gave us both confidence to move forward.

The thing is, people don’t believe you when you say “I hear you, this is helpful. Let me come up with something.” It gives you that feeling you get when a waiter takes your order and doesn’t repeat it back to you.

“Did he remember I asked for no capers?! What about the side of broccoli? Did I even remember to order the broccoli?”

Summaries not only help the listener and speaker to process information in a practical way, they help the listener feel understood when all their top-of-mind points are raised.

Politicians do it all the time, landing the most important takeaways in the listener’s mind by planting them in a structured summary at the end.

Here’s the last paragraph of Barack Obama’s famous “Yes We Can” speech, delivered after his first victory in the elections of 2008.

Notice how he recaps the speech’s core themes of employment, opportunity, prosperity and peace whilst bringing back the central message “yes, we can”.

Help People to Confide in You

More than helping people retain valuable knowledge, repeating an individual’s thoughts via a structured summary is a way to show empathy through active listening.

You can summarise the individual’s priorities: “I’m hearing the most important things to you are 1, 2, 3”. This gives the individual a valuable opportunity to chime in and iron out misunderstandings.

If you don’t have enough material to summarise, dig deeper by mirroring their language. “Yes, I felt a bit lost.” “Oh, you felt lost?”

Parrot their feelings back to them and they will expand on their point, giving you enough to get a handle on their needs, wants, priorities, challenges.

Repeat this technique until you have what you need to summarise, showing you understood.

Show Credibility

A smart summary not only makes you a better listener, it also makes you a better speaker. Especially when you need to show credibility in a single contribution during a meeting.

I like to eavesdrop on people’s calls to learn how I can run mine better. (If I have good intentions, eavesdropping is fine, right?)

After years of eavesdropping I’ve noticed one figure of speech the best leaders share: firstly, secondly, thirdly.

“Thanks team, I’m hearing three important takeaways from today: firstly, secondly, thirdly.”

“I’m afraid I disagree. Firstly, secondly, thirdly”.

“It’s a pleasure to kick off the project today. For us, success looks like 3 things. Firstly, secondly, thirdly.”

Look out for the next time someone firstly-secondly-thirdlys-you. It’s a logical argument flow that’s hard to refute. Who else frequently uses this structure? ChatGPT. Why? It builds trust and credibility.

That said, because AI so extensively uses structural connectors like firstly, secondly, thirdly in its writing, they’re becoming a tell-tale sign of artificially generated content.

Use the firstly, secondly, thirdly weapon more frequently in your speaking, to show your thoughts are clearly formulated and find more creative structural mechanisms in your writing.

Why should we stop at “thirdly”? Because a family member once overheard two Oxford professors in conversation. One said to the other: “and ninethly…” For mere mortals, a three-point summary is enough.

Like what you’re reading?

Take your summary skills to new heights

Structuring a great summary is a lot like climbing a mountain.

It’s not a stroll you spontaneously set out on with no end goal in mind — think of the last contributions you made or heard in meetings — did some of them feel like a leisurely countryside amble?

Take yourself from aimless wanderer to fearless mountaineer with these tips:

Plan the journey

If time is on your side, take it. Bullet-point your ideas and cluster them into groups. Put a header for each and you have a structure!

You might say “but I don’t know what contributions I will need to make in this next meeting!” Are you sure?

Often we know more than we give ourselves credit for and can prepare better for meetings. Maybe you know the main challenges that will be addressed, and your perspective on each.

Don’t walk and talk

If you’re short on time, at least give yourself the gift of thinking before you speak. Consider how to frame your point in the interest of the speaker. Why should they care?

If you have the idea in your mind, but it’s not fully formed, break it down so you and your listener can follow. Don’t be the mountaineer who sets out without a map.

Be a great guide

Now you’ve thought through your ideas, you know what’s coming next. But the listener does not. They need you to set out a clear structure in advance and give them some signposts to follow along the way.

An opening statement like “there are three parts to this” or “I see two main challenges we need to be aware of” helps them to hear you out and shows them you’ve thought this through. Then, bring in the “firstly, secondly, thirdly” friends.

Hike, don’t ramble

Once you’ve reached the summit, don’t ramble your way over the cliff edge. End your summary with impact.

I’ll never forget my first solo presentation to a CEO where I paused after the final summary, panicked about how to close the presentation (end it there, Emily!) and instead jovially added “so there we go!”

The room chuckled and I wanted to slide under the table.

Have I convinced you?

Imagine a world without summaries. Let me give you three reasons why it would suck.

For starters, listeners and speakers alike would struggle to make sense of complex topics. People wouldn’t feel listened to, making it harder to build trust and intimacy. And lastly, we wouldn’t sound nearly as credible when we want to land killer points.

Luckily we live in a world where four simple techniques can seriously level up our summary game:

1. Plan it well

2. Think before you speak

3. Guide your listener

4. Keep it brief.

See what I did there?! That’s the power of the summary.

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